Something you want to share? A rant you want the rest of the world to read? Text us and get it off your chest.
If something you’ve read online or in print gets your goat use your right to reply and text us your thoughts.
Text VIEWS to 65400* followed by your name, where you’re from and your message and we’ll publish the best ones.
*texts cost 50p plus your normal network rate.
BEST OF THE TEXTS
AUGUST 7
Non Smoker, Glasgow – you lot forced the smokers outside and now you’re moaning about it? Some people are never happy.B, Birmingham
James, I’m curious: for what reason do you need a mirror on the train? As a guy myself, I’ve never had the need for one.Mark, London SW4
Big Ron, you think protecting your fish supper from seagulls is bad? I ended up in hospital after one attacked me. It’s the most attention I’ve had from a bird in years.Darren, Notts
Does anyone else feel a rising sense of panic when you can’t get your shoes off quickly?David G, London SE11
Can you get buy-one-get- one-free deals at laser eye surgeries?Bob, Glasgow
Has anyone else ever got off the bus and got on a different one because there were no Metros left on the first bus?Anon
AUGUST 6
Robbo, the recipe for Buffalo wings comes from Buffalo, New York. You can’t beat our weird food names, though: toad-in- the-hole, faggots, bubble and squeak. As for cock-a-leekie – food or medical problem?Lins Samaraweera, Berkshire
Didn’t Vladimir Putin look like Yul Brynner in Westworld on the front of yesterday’s Metro?John, London
Religion sets an example whereas science tries to prove a point. Both add interest to life.Vanessa, Surrey
Caroline and Kev, the buses run on time when the children are off school.Bus driver, West Midlands
The shiny back on the iPod makes a handy mirror. I can use it on the train and it just looks like I’m changing my music.James, Surrey
Anyone else feel they have to go indoors for a breath of fresh air these days?Non Smoker, Glasgow
AUGUST 5
So Ronnie Ramsay ‘looked scruffy’ did he (Metro, Tue)? His hair is short and neat, he’s got a Berghaus jacket and rucksack I work full time and can’t even afford that. Someone is clearly still looking after him.Caroline, London
When we were in Cornwall, we were warned to keep our fish suppers covered due to the seagulls. They are mental.Big Ron, East Kilbride
Why are they called Buffalo wings? Buffalo don’t have wings! And as for fish fingersRobbo, Edinburgh
Who thinks tuck shops should be mandatory on buses?Matt, West Midlands
Caroline, my bus and train were on time today. It must be catching.Kev, Leeds
Why are male swimmers all wearing girls’ swimsuits? Real men would race in those baggy shorts people wear on the beach.David Wilkie, Glasgow
AUGUST 4
Rob, given that it has been possible to hack into your PC for years, I don’t think there is much for you to wryly smile about regarding iPhones.Rob Frost, Essex
Looking through a catalogue advertising home safes – do they really need to specify ‘money not included’?Emine, London SE9
Flicking through the TV on Friday night I found Countdown To Christmas on a home shopping channel. Disturbing?Louise, London
Why when I ask for the veggie choice am I offered fish? When I say I don’t eat fish, they say: ‘Oh, you’re one of those.’ Yes, it’s called being vegetarian!Jo Takvam, West Yorkshire
The sun is shining and the bus is on time! Have a happy day everyone, ignore all the gloomies.Caroline, Cheshire
AUGUST 3
So the guy with the leaf- blower has ear defenders but what about us folks trying to enjoy some morning sunshine? What happened to using brooms?Al, London
Did you realise Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the alphabet song share the same tune? Bet you’re singing them now.Sandra, Glasgow
Who is going to pay for the increasing older demographic of this country if no one is having large families whose children grow and pay taxes?Laura, Newcastle
Swine flu reaching a plateau? Not judging by the number of people coughing their guts up on this train. Why can’t they stay at home?David, Staffs
Was I the only Windows user to enjoy a wry smile over the story that every iPhone in the world can be hacked into?Rob Evans, Kent
JULY 29
VF, put a label on the bottle saying ‘expressed breast milk’ and I guarantee no one will steal it.Sheila, Newcastle
VF, put a drop of green food colouring in your milk.Sarah, Surrey
What part of ‘quiet zone’ do people not understand?Simon, Manchester
Hannah, whoever came up with the spelling for lisp also had a say in the spelling of ‘dyslexia’.Daniel, London SW16
Bring back Irn-Bru SodaStream!David, The 1990s
I think each family should be able to have one child they can claim for from the state. Any more than that and they should pay for them themselves.Robynne, Manchester
Why would some guys rather walk in the rain than carry an umbrella? Is it that feminine?Serena, Hertfordshire
JULY 28
Why don’t piranhas eat each other?Sarah, Glasgow
So how much annual leave does a Jedi get, then?Rob, London
Is it just me or does anyone else think it was a cruel person who decided to spell lisp with an ‘s’?Hannah, Derbyshire
Has anyone got any good ideas to stop people at work pinching my milk?VF, Herts
Katharina, stop being such a drama queen. Someone needs to have some perspective on swine flu. Does swine flu involve a loss of humour as well?Jenny, London
Fertility specialists all over the world who help impregnate women over the age of 50 should be made to raise the resulting children at their own expense if the mother dies and leaves them behind. It might make those doctors reconsider their ethics.Paulette, Warrington
JULY 27
Every office has at least one person who still tells you that their e-mail address has ‘no spaces’.Dan, Hertfordshire
Pigeons have deformed feet because they stand around in their own ammonia-laced faeces. Stupid things.Mark, Leeds
I thought pigeons had bad feet due to walking on the electric bit on the railway lines. Whatever the reason, they obviously never learn and it must be sore.Nicola, Kent
Just saw a nun get off the Tube at Seven Sisters. Must be meeting six other friends. Anyone else seen anyone get off at a station that’s apt?Tanya, Hertfordshire
Why is it that the cheaper the perfume, the more must be applied before getting on the train and sitting next to me in the morning? And by the way, why on earth are men still wearing Joop?Emily, via text
JULY 24
Pigeons have deformed feet because they get entangled in the wire put on buildings to make it impossible for them to perch. Poor things.Sylvia, London
I like observing people’s expressions as they read this paper. Do it now. It’s hilarious.Raza, London
A Christmas card posted in Eltham on December 17, 2008 was delivered to me on July 18. Is this a record? (I doubt it!)Chris, London SE11
My bank offered me a credit card this week. I pointed out to the cashier that I’m on Income Support and therefore a financial risk. ‘That shouldn’t be a problem,’ she replied. Um, thanks but no thanksCatherine, Middlesex
Sorry, Lorna, the funniest thing on a train was two strangers’ coats getting velcroed together at the chest in the rush-hour crush.Gail, Leeds
JULY 23
Have you ever noticed how pigeons always have one dodgy foot that looks like a human foot moulded out of corned beef?FM, Glasgow
Gary Lineker, golf coverage – why?Jambo, Glasgow
I was given a wallet last week and I handed it in. As bus drivers, we also wonder if those in lost property continue the proper processAnon
Being a bus driver, I always hand in any lost property. If no one claims it after four weeks I get to keep it – but I have to pay tax on any money.Lee, Brighton
Martin, as your birthday is February 29, the 13-month calendar means you won’t grow any older, which sounds great. You say you are now aged eight – I guess this is 32 to the rest of us.Sandra, Essex
Is anyone else secretly hoping they get swine flu so they can have a week off work?Emma, West Midlands
JULY 22
Just wondering what I could do rather than meditate under a tree every day.Anon
Funniest thing on train: girl got long blonde hair caught in hand-held fan.Lorna, Essex
My bank has recently sent me two letters offering two very large and tempting loans out of the blue. Are they trying to keep this country under a mountain of debt?Bill, Leeds
I know some dates coincide but I presume pagan police officers won’t have Christian-based bank holidays off or be paid double time if they work them.Anon
Funny how the media has stopped comparing our weather to Spain and Greece recently.Phil, Hertfordshire
The 13-month year Jason proposed yesterday is a great idea – but only if we keep a leap year every four years, as February 29 is my birthday.Martin, Aged 8
JULY 21
I hope Friday’s swimming pigs dried themselves. They don’t want to catch swine flu.Melvyn, Essex
I’ve just seen a guy in a dressing gown get out of his car to pick up a Metro in Bayswater.Roger, Kent
When did the end-of-term disco or ball become a ‘prom’? We’re not American.Greg, Gloucestershire
I found a wallet on the bus yesterday morning and handed it to the driver. Now I can’t help wondering if he handed it into lost property at the garage.Anon
My four-month-old daughter is ginger and is the most beautiful thing in the world. I would never discriminate against gingers and would choose Ron over Harry Potter any day.Hannah, Sheffield
JULY 20
I have mixed views on PJs. I think it’s daft and lazy but my girlfriend takes an hour to get ready to go to the shops so I sometimes wish she would just go in her PJs.Mel, Clydebank
Just putting the kettle on. Cup of tea anyone?Jemima, Surrey
I totally agree with Jimmy from London about people with ginger/red hair. The discrimination has been going on far too long.Simon, London
Jimmy are you ginger by any chance?Guy, Hampshire
James, you don’t find out if someone fancies you without making a fool of yourself. So, you make a fool of yourself. Then try again. Eventually you get good at it.Dean, Manchester
Are you in primary school? Talk to the person if you want to know. Or send you friend over while you cower in the corner.Siofra, Manchester
JULY 17
Gill, Rachael, you’re both mad: Jeremy Clarkson is sex on legs!Becky, Birmingham
My apologies to the lady I hit in the face when putting my arm out to stop the bus. If it’s any consolation to you, I later went on to throw coffee over myself.Colin, Bristol
James, you don’t find out if someone fancies you. Even when they tell you they do fancy you, they’re usually just waiting for something better to come along.Robin, Manchester
James, look at their pupils. If they grow a lot when looking at you, it’s a sign of interest.Bex, Brighton
Mike is right about Army ads making war look like a game. Why is this false advertising permitted when young lives are at stake?Mary, London E3
Why is bullying and discrimination allowed towards people with ginger/red hair in Britain?Jimmy, London
JULY 16
When did it become OK for people over the age of 50 to describe something as ‘lush’?Sam, Newcastle
Gill, everyone knows Richard Hammond is the Top Gear totty, then James May – but never Jeremy Clarkson.Rachael, Birmingham
In reference to the sexist joke made yesterday. If the joke had mentioned race there would be public outcry but, for some reason, women are fair game.Louise, Manchester
My goldfish is definitely male as it forgets things after a few seconds.A, Manchester
If we didn’t have adverts on TV that make being in the Army seem like an Xbox game, would people still be shocked that soldiers actually die in a war?Mike, Brighton
How do you know if someone fancies you and how do you find out without making a fool of yourself?James, London SE18
JULY 15
Why do I find James May from Top Gear so sexy? Is it just me?Gill, Leeds
Dave, both Gandalf and Dumbledore would seek a peaceful solution to their disagreement, making them both winners.Kirsten, Newcastle
I go to the shop in my PJs all the time. It’s socially acceptable if your top half matches your bottom half.Kristi, London SW18
I also worked with Andy at the helium factory. Shame he’s gone – he was a gas!Sally, Essex
Is my goldfish female? It never shuts its mouth.T, Edinburgh
The prime minister of Japan has called a general election after a heavy defeat in local government elections. Take a hint, Mr Brown.John, West Sussex
JULY 14
The British Army did not have a military solution to the war in the north of Ireland and that was fought on familiar terrain just over the water. What utter folly to believe it can be part of any solution for Afghanistan.Andrew Shaw, Edinburgh
Can anyone tell me when it became socially acceptable to nip to the shop or drop your children at school while still wearing your PJs? Carlos, Manchester
Who would win: Gandalf or Dumbledore?Dave, Cheam
I used to work with Andy at the helium factory. We all speak very highly of him.Matt, Liverpool
Anyone who takes more than five minutes to do their make-up is probably wearing too much.Pauline, London
Did Andy remember to get me some Jaffa Cakes?Flacky, Brighton
JULY 13
Sorry if you’re waiting for me to get back from the shop. I ended up in the bookies and lost all my cash. Can anyone lend me a fiver?Andy, Northampton
I’m glad to hear ugly blokes are more likely to get women pregnant than good-looking guys. Now maybe I’ll stand a chance with the ladies.Alan H, Edinburgh
It seems the ‘ugly’ test was carried out on birds and chickens – I know how to recognise an ugly man but who decided what an ugly chicken looks like?Anna H, Coventry
Despite the current economic climate, I’ve just handed in my notice at the helium balloon factory. No one speaks to me like that.Andy, Liverpool
To all the people staring at me on the train this morning – don’t worry, it’s only hayfever making me sneeze.Sian, Kent
JULY 8
In response to the text poll about paying the obese to lose weight – what do you think the money would be spent on? Pies! Fruit and veg, my a***.The Pieman, Edinburgh
Obese people should be paid to lose weight but only the first time or it’ll turn into a second job.Vanessa, Surrey
Terry says he can’t afford 20 units of booze a week. Eight cans of continental lager will give you that many units and my local Lidl has that many for £6. Hardly a massive weekly bill.Ian, London
A woman just got asked to put her eyeliner away by a Docklands Light Railway staff member in case of injury and she did. What has Britain come to?Sam, London SE10
Why is the train only on time when the bus to the station is late?Phil, Leeds
I’m just off to the shop, anybody want anything?Andy, Northampton
JULY 6
Claire, Wombles have been spotted on the underground and the overground, generally wombling free.Joanne, London
Silvyn, how can you say the achievement is the same when men play almost twice the number of hours of tennis? Would you pay an employee the same wage for half the hours?Dan, East Sussex
There is nothing fair about the Wimbledon rules but I doubt the women get a fraction of the sponsorship money the men get – because they’re rubbish.Rob, London
Now that Wimbledon’s almost over, perhaps we can get back to some real sport.Paul, London
As a bus driver, I would like to thank Metro for publicising the fact we can do nothing about heating on the bus. I welcome spot checks and fines, as the heat possibly affects drivers even more than the passengers.Paul, Wigan
JULY 2
Please ignore e-mails claiming you can catch swine flu from tinned pork – they’re just spam.J Kelly, Northumberland
What’s fair about the men’s and women’s Wimbledon singles champions being paid the same when men play the best of five sets and women only play the best of three?Hamish, London
I offered my seat to a pregnant woman, who declined. On reflection, I think she was just really fat. Did I do the right thing?J, London
If burkhas get banned, can we ban tracksuits tucked in to socks too?Kieran, York
Dear, oh dear, so the Queen is feeling the pinch from the credit crunch. Welcome to the real world, Elizabeth.Frank, London
If the Queen is so hard up for cash and needs more public money, why don’t we nationalise her?Dave, Cardiff
