I was about to take my own life – then I looked around

Michaela E. Taylor

Published November 24, 2024 2:00pm Updated November 25, 2024 11:07am

A brave young mum has spoken out about how she wanted to end her life - but how an unexpected bunch of flowers stopped her before it was too late. Michaela Taylor, 32, a mum of two from Wigan, struggled with postnatal depression after having her second child. Michaela, who works as a supervisor in a wine bar, made the decision to try to take her own life. — I could no longer see a way forward (Picture: Cover Images)

I was prepared to end it all.

It was March 2024 and I’d been suffering from chronic postnatal depression for 18 months.

I’d been feeling like a failure both as a mother and as a partner, and I could no longer see a way forward.

I’d finally made peace with my decision and then I spotted the flowers.

Those flowers that would save my life.

I began struggling with my mental health shortly after giving birth to my second child in September 2022.

Need support?

For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.

Their HOPELINE247 is open every day of the year, 24 hours a day. You can call 0800 068 4141, text 88247 or email: pat@papyrus-uk.org.

At first, I thought maybe I was just going through a period of adjustment – juggling a newborn who was struggling to breastfeed and a four-year-old who kept falling sick with lots of different illnesses is not a task for the faint hearted – but then I began to spiral.

I suffered from severe anxiety and depression, which really took its toll on me and our family.

I was later diagnosed with postnatal depression (PND) in December 2022. Following various rounds of counselling and admissions to a PND ward, I battled on for over a year.

After a long period of suffering. I simply didn’t think I could go on.

So, on March 8 2024, I had every intention of ending my life.

It was quiet when I arrived at the train station. No one was around to stop me, to talk me out of it or save me.

That’s when I noticed the bunch of pale pink roses and white daisies had been placed on a bench.

I remember thinking it was strange – why would there be flowers here given nobody was around? The obvious answer was they’d been forgotten but something inside me said there was more to it than that.

For that reason I then found myself walking towards the bench. Almost like I was being drawn to them.

As I got closer I saw a small white note attached to them. It said: ‘Adopt me. Where there is a woman, there is magic’. And I instantly felt like these flowers were meant to find me on a day when I needed them the most.

Suddenly, I had this overwhelming feeling that maybe I did matter. That my journey wasn’t over and that I had more to give.

Almost instantly, my mindset changed: the darkness that had taken over began to lift and I actually got on the train.

Eventually I let my husband know where I was so he could pick me up.

When I got home, I hugged my kids and continued to seek further help and support for the PND I was experiencing. It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I did.

A few weeks later, I decided to reach out to the person who had left the flowers at the station – it was important to me that they knew just how big an impact their blooms had on me.

My bouquet had been placed there by a wedding florist called Sarah McCaig, owner of Olive Owl Flowers as a way to mark International Women’s Day.

I found a note attached to the flowers that included Sarah’s social media handles as a way to get in touch once the flowers had been discovered.

I reached out to her on social media and said: ‘I want you to know your flowers saved my life, thank you.’ She replied saying she was pleased I chose to stay here and that she couldn’t believe the big impact from such a small act of kindness.

We started chatting, and both realised that we really wanted to do something more, so two weeks later we came up with a #PetalsOfPositivity campaign.

The idea was for florists across the country to place bunches of free flowers for people to find in public spaces such as train stations, local parks, bridges, bus stops etc.

We then hoped that our bunches would brighten the day of someone feeling down or hopeless. To serve as a reminder that better days are coming, just like the original bunch had done for me.

Amazingly, we’ve had 60 different florists sign up since, and it feels incredible to know that we’ve started something so special that is hopefully making a difference.

Find out more about the campaign

You can donate and read more about the #PetalsOfPositivity campaign here.

We’ve had lots of people get in touch to say the flowers have brightened their day, and if we make a difference to just one person that would be incredible.

But it’s not just about spreading kindness or positivity for us: We also make sure to include information on the notes on how people can access the support they need such as charity websites or numbers they can call for support. As a next step, we’d also love to chat to charities about potential partnerships.

I know firsthand that sometimes, when you hit rock bottom and dark thoughts take over, it’s hard to think rationally. And for friends and family it’s hard to know how to help. My advice to you is to simply be there.

Sometimes we just need you to sit in the darkness with us, and knowing you are there with us is enough. 

And while a bunch of flowers almost certainly will not fix all your problems – mental health is a complex issue and one that must be handled carefully – sometimes that physical reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you can and will get through it, is invaluable.

I owe my life to Sarah and her bunch of flowers – my kids still have a mum because of them. And that’s been the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.