Is my married boyfriend just using me for sex and somewhere to stay?

Laura Collins

Published December 7, 2024 6:00pm

He has a woman in every port (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

Often, it takes a revelation to make you realise you’ve been kidding yourself about a bad relationship.

In this week’s Sex Column, we hear from a woman who’s been blinded by love for her boyfriend, a still-married father-of-two.

However, it’s only since finding out he also has multiple mistresses – one in each town he travels to for work – that she’s starting to feel she’s being played.

Read the advice, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column, from a man whose girlfriend is playing away with a wealthy older man.

The problem…

I’m madly in love with my boyfriend and am struggling to accept that he only uses my place as a B&B with sex thrown in.

I met him online last year, and after several disastrous relationships, I really thought I’d found my perfect partner. He has always been honest about being married, but has promised to leave his wife as soon as his children are old enough (they’re 10 and 13 at the moment).

What I didn’t bank on though, is the fact that he seems to have other girlfriends in different parts of the country. I only found out when one contacted me on social media, and told me she’s not the only one.

He has a good job which takes him all over the UK. He has a company car, wears beautiful clothes, has a great body and is very sexy. Unfortunately, he knows it.

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Our sex life is out of this world, and he tells me all the time that he loves me – not just in the throes of passion. I know he doesn’t have with his wife what he has with me.

I can accept his marital situation for now, but having other girlfriends really bothers me. When I confronted him, he said he had never promised to be exclusive and anyway, this other girl is just a jealous ex who is not to be believed.

I confided in a friend who said she had to be ‘cruel to be kind’ and it’s time I faced the fact that this guy is just saving on hotel bills when he’s out on the road. If that were true it would break my heart.

The advice…

The obvious question is, why do you want a man like this in your life? So, he’s attractive, has a good job and is great in bed, but surely that’s not all you care about. What about being valued and treated with respect?

This guy is never going to be faithful to anyone, and even had the gall to tell you he has no intention of being exclusive (wife aside). What more do you need to know, before you decide to get rid of him? What an odious creep – your friend was absolutely right to spell out the facts.

Look, if you want to accept the way he is and just have a good time when you’re with him, then that’s a choice you can make. The alternative, which I recommend, is that you find a boyfriend who cares for you as a person as well as sexually, and wants to share his life with you.

Please don’t think this guy is the best you can get. Next time he calls, tell him neither you nor your home are available. Let him stay in a hotel!

He’s not the only attractive guy in the world who happens to be good in bed. There are others out there who are faithful too, so treat yourself kindly and keep looking. You deserve better.

Laura is a counsellor and columnist.