I screamed my ex’s name during sex – my boyfriend loved it

‘Shout his name for me, go on baby.’

As my lover uttered those words, my face froze up and I was briefly rendered speechless.

We were in the middle of having video sex but my blank expression had nothing to do with a dodgy WiFi connection.

My orgasm had been within reach, but Leo* asked me to say another man’s name – and not just any man.

He was referring to one of my exes, Damian*. 

Earlier that day, Leo had asked about my sexual history and I had carefully shared some highlights. 

I took care not to praise my former sexual partner too much as to offend my current one, but did give an honest reply when asked if the sex was good (it was). 

I didn’t really understand why Leo had brought this up but I mostly brushed it off. 

He reacted with excitement but also a little jealousy, which is why I was so shocked by his request in the throes of passion. 

I didn’t know what to think, but I assumed he was joking – at least until I saw that Leo’s eyes were shining bright with anticipation.

‘Er, I’m not sure I know what you mean,’ I finally blurted out.

Leo explained that, for him, the idea of me having sex with someone else turned him on. 

He’d never mentioned this desire before so I was a little stunned. 

Confused but eager to please my lover, I decided to play along with the fantasy scenario, shouting the name of my ex, ‘Damian’, as I brought myself to climax.

Leo was thrilled. 

When this incident occurred, over 10 years ago, it was when I was less experienced and didn’t know as much about fetishes. 

But looking back, I realise now that Leo was indulging in a light form of cuckolding. 

The general gist of this sexual fetish is that your other half – the ‘cuck’ – enjoys watching you shag or get pleasured by a dominant third person, often known as the ‘bull’.

Humiliation is usually a key factor.

In more traditional cases, it involves physically being with another person, with your partner either present or being given updates via photos or texts, but as I discovered, there are many variations of cuckolding. 

And I’ve found that plenty of men I’ve been with, while they wouldn’t want to see me shagging someone else there and then, get turned on by the idea of me revisiting previous sexual experiences or fantasising about potential future ones with other people. 

For my part, I’ve never been great at sharing, sexually or otherwise. 

So, when another guy I dated, Mateo*, asked if I would tell him about what I got up to with a former lover, I was once again surprised. 

His request came several years after my first experience of light cuckolding with Leo and I wasn’t particularly keen to revisit the fetish.

But curiosity got the better of me and I agreed.

As I started reminiscing, I noticed him visibly getting excited. 

Suddenly, he declared that he was going to make me forget all about my ex.

He flipped the fantasy on its head and became the dominant figure, there was no humiliation and he was definitely in charge – which was pretty damn sexy.

Another similar situation included a former fling asking me to describe other men touching my body while we mutually masturbated.

In recent years, I’ve definitely noticed an uptick in men expressing a desire for exploring cuckolding-adjacent fantasies, which is not necessarily the full routine of watching me with someone else, but certainly discussing previous experience. 

I am a huge advocate for owning your pleasure without shame, so I think it’s great that we’re getting more comfortable in exploring sex.

That being said, if you intend to try cuckolding or similar fantasies for yourself, allow me to share some wisdom from my own experiences.

Uttering another lover’s name during sex isn’t my cup of tea now and it wasn’t then.

But I went along with Leo because I felt awkward and unable to speak up.

Do you feel comfortable to share your fetishes with your partner? Comment Now

So make sure you set boundaries to avoid any issues that might pop up.

As an example, while Mateo was thrilled initially, a few weeks later, he started acting very jealous out of the blue.

Suddenly, I found myself in a position where I had to convince him that I didn’t secretly fantasise about cheating with my ex – something that had come from his own idea!

There is a line between fantasy and reality, and that line is very easily blurred, which can have devastating consequences.

When done right, cuckolding can be a great way to spice up your sex life.

Whether you opt for the more extreme end of the spectrum or just stick to the light version, like I did, that’s up to you.

As for myself, I’m currently in a long-term relationship with someone who definitely isn’t a sharer.

But we have plenty of fun trying other kinks. 

Who knows what the future holds – but for now, I’m a one-man-kind-of-woman

*All names have been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE: My family was close – then my uncle broke Nan’s heart

MORE: One prescription has helped hundreds of my patients – and me

MORE: One phone call after I came out as a lesbian changed everything