The over-promiser, the label dodger, the drama magnet… no, those aren’t the names of superheroes from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, they’re actually categories of romantic partners.
Most people have a ‘type,’ whether we want to admit it or not.
Perhaps you aren’t even aware of what yours is, but subconsciously there will be character traits and behaviours in potential suitors you naturally gravitate towards.
It might be grand gestures or an adventurous streak, or perhaps an open communicator is your biggest green flag.
But what about the type of partner you should steer well clear of?
Well, if you’re ever seeking comfort or advice after a string of dodgy dates or red flag-riddled romances, you know Reddit will always have your back.
In a post with over 9,000 comments, users divulged details of the type of ex they would never date again, from social media addicts to the emotionally avoidant.
Take a look at the list below and to those of you currently loved up, ask yourself: could my partner be one of these?
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The gym bro
There’s no shame in taking pride in your appearance. In fact, caring about your health is surely the biggest green tick of all, right? Well, except for when it goes too far…
Reddit user BustyNadorable declares the ‘gym bro’ one type they wish to be well shut of, having dated someone who ‘made everything about fitness’.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I love staying healthy, but I don’t need a lecture about my macros while I’m enjoying my birthday cake,’ they write which, honestly, seems fair.
‘Last straw was when he tried to turn our date night into a couple’s workout session,’ they add.
Clearly familiar with the likes of gym bros, thunderchungus1999 replies: ‘I can smell the spiceless rice and chicken from here’.
Weighing in, relationship expert and co-founder of So Syncd, Jessica Alderson, suggests that vanity and a self-absorbed attitude towards physical appearance can be part of bigger problems.
‘Note how, when they do ask questions, it’s usually because they want to steer the conversation back to themselves.
‘Look out for red flags like constantly interrupting you and not showing genuine interest in your life or opinions. They might also look distant or disinterested when you talk about yourself.’
The commitmentphobe
Having washed their hands of dates who display ‘avoidant personality’ traits, user twinkypromise wants someone who isn’t afraid to put a label on things.
‘They say all these beautiful things, then disappear,’ they write.
Ecstatic-Welcome-119 agrees, saying they ‘called off’ an eight-month relationship after their other half refused to commit.
iiTryhard adds that their ex-girlfriend’s ‘past baggage and trauma’ prevented her from giving 100% to the relationship.
‘I was basically always having to wonder where we stood,’ they share, acknowledging that such behaviours aren’t always on purpose: ‘I don’t even think she was doing it maliciously but in retrospect, it was a big waste of my time.’
Alas, commitmentphobia is more common than we think, as explained by Jessica.
‘A label dodger is someone who goes out of their way to avoid defining the connection. They are usually emotionally unavailable or just not interested enough for a relationship,’ she tells.
‘The biggest red flag to look out for here is that when you try bringing up the topic of exclusivity or commitment, they often change the subject or make jokes to deflect.
‘Evasiveness about anything that moves the relationship forward is also a warning sign.’
‘Nice guys’
Kindness is a turn-on for most people, right? Someone who’s willing to invest in you, is respectful towards your loved ones, and is just an all-round good egg by doing things without being asked.
However, NurseNancyNJ is done with ‘self-proclaimed’ nice guys, declaring: ‘You shouldn’t have to advertise that you’re a good person.’
Agreeing and sharing similar experiences with the opposite sex, Baralx writes: ‘My ex-girlfriend said she was a deeply empathetic person when I met her but turned out to be a narcissist who doesn’t even know what empathy means.’
Jessica explains how claiming to be overly nice can lead to bigger problems later down the line, should someone become what she calls an ‘I can do no wrong’ preacher.
This is someone who never believes they can be at fault and refuses to take responsibility for their actions, which, if not put in their place or cut off early doors, could spell disaster in the communication department.
‘They will always have a way of framing a situation to make themselves look like the victim or the hero. The lack of self-awareness can become toxic and destructive in a relationship,’ she says.
Red flags to look out for in these cases include never apologising, deflecting blame onto others, and manipulating the truth to fit their narrative.
The ‘crisis’ person
In most friendship groups, there’s a drama queen. We all know someone who’s lived a storied life and could easily fill a movie (and sequels) with dramatic tales from their past.
This kind of chaos, however, stops being entertaining when it disrupts your peace.
Consequently, fin_ss has sworn themselves off the ‘crisis people’, aka those who are ‘habitually going through various crises, most of which is partly or wholly self-inflicted.’
Admitting it gets ‘exhausting’ never knowing what’s around the corner, they add: ‘What’s worse than the crises themselves is they are somehow unable to operate normally when there isn’t any, leading to self-destructive behaviour and yet again, more crises.’
Totally familiar with this type of dater, Jessica says a ‘drama magnet’ is someone who thrives on chaos, which often infiltrates their romantic relationships.
‘They have a tendency to create problems or blow things out of proportion to keep things unpredictable,’ she states, noting that the red flags of this person would be constant conflict and inability to take accountability for their actions.
Emotionally unavailable
VelvetSiren4 is adamant they will never date someone ’emotionally immature’ again, aka someone who has difficulty regulating their emotions, handling stress, and who lacks consideration for how their behaviour impacts others.
Similarly, Round-Football-1393 says it’s ‘draining’ to try to build a connection with someone who avoids attachment, while purple_plasmid experienced ‘loneliness’ in being the party always ‘prioritising the relationship’.
Branding these exes ‘serial breadcrumbers,’ Jessica says: ‘This type is all about keeping you on the hook but never committing to a real relationship.
‘They might send flirty texts and sound excited about seeing you, but they always seem to have an excuse for cancelling or not following through.
‘Pay attention to red flags like constantly rescheduling and avoiding concrete plans.’
Gaslighters
Ah, gaslighting. It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot nowadays, but it has a pretty heavy meaning, as a gaslighter is someone who emotionally manipulates another person into questioning their perception of reality.
Having had experiences with such, Reddit users confessed to feeling ‘unloveable’ during these relationships, while KaijuKrash says gaslighting led to ‘probably the worst relationship I’ve ever subjected myself to’.
In fact, Babzibaum didn’t have time for a proper relationship at all when ‘so much time was wasted trying to find the truth’.
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Expanding on this type, Jessica hails the ‘selective truth teller’ as a ‘strategic editor’.
‘This type carefully curates the truth, sharing only the parts that serve their agenda while conveniently omitting details to shape a narrative that works for them.’
While they seemingly aren’t ‘outright liars,’ their version of events can be engineered via exaggeration, selective memory, or half-truths.
‘Watch out for red flags like inconsistencies in their stories, vague explanations, and a tendency to dodge questions.’
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