My date told me off after I was unwell in his bed

Anonymous

Published March 22, 2025 12:00pm Updated March 24, 2025 11:09am

We kissed on the train and within the hour, we were in his bed (Picture: Getty)

When I discovered that Ollie* from work was interested in me, I couldn’t believe my luck.

I had always thought he was out of my league – he was privately educated, athletic with a talent for ‘posh boy’ sports, and had a reassuring air of self-confidence about him that, at the time, I was severely lacking myself.

We chatted and flirted in the office, and he was always generous with his compliments. When he asked me out on a date, I said yes immediately.

It was late August and we arranged to go to an open-air proms event. Armed with an M&S picnic and some fruit cider, we rolled out the picnic rug to enjoy the last of the warm summer evenings. Conversation flowed and I felt chilled and content.

couple in love drinking white wine on a picnic. Selective focus. — It was late August and we arranged to go to an open-air proms event (Picture: Getty Images)

When the show was over, I had two choices: the first was an hour’s train journey home. At the time, I was being investigated for suspected epilepsy after having a couple of seizures in my sleep, meaning I’d had to give up my driving licence for a while.

The second option was 20 minutes in the other direction to Ollie’s.

As I had spent the last couple of hours mentally undressing him, as far as I was concerned, we couldn’t get back to his fast enough.

We kissed on the train and within the hour, we were in his bed.

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The sex was… functional, at best. Looking back, I think it was probably the first time it crossed my mind that Ollie’s overwhelming self-confidence may have been somewhat misplaced.

Unrecognizable person sleeping in bed — I woke up at around 1am feeling exceptionally groggy (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto)

I think I hid my disappointment well, as Ollie just rolled over and went to sleep.

I decided not to let mediocre sex ruin things, though. Despite this hiccup, we’d still had a pleasant evening, so I chalked it up to the drink, even though we really hadn’t had that much between us.

I woke up at around 1am feeling exceptionally groggy. It took a few minutes to piece together where I was, as if my brain was slowly rebooting.

I felt some strange aches in my stomach muscles and other parts of my body that I couldn’t account for (it certainly wasn’t from any sexual gymnastics).

The bedside light was on, but Ollie was nowhere to be seen. I assumed he was in the en suite bathroom and decided to wait for him to come back.

For Sarah

Sarah Whiteley was a Metro columnist and much-loved member of the team (Picture: Sarah Whiteley)

Last year, on March 10, we lost our beloved colleague Sarah Whiteley. Sarah was a fantastic journalist; she was Metro’s parenting columnist and a valued member of our first-person and opinion desk.

Sarah died aged 39 from SUDEP - sudden unexpected death in epilepsy. It is thought that every year around 1,000 people die from causes related to epilepsy.

With support from Sarah’s family, Metro is fundraising for two very important charities: SUDEP Action and Epilepsy Action.

From March 10 to March 26, which marks Purple Day (epilepsy awareness day), we will be running a series of features and first-person pieces, raising awareness of epilepsy and SUDEP.

Sarah was so incredible at helping other people share their experiences; she was a born storyteller and we hope to do her proud with this series, while raising money in her memory.

The minutes ticked by and the confusion gave way to worry that Ollie wasn’t feeling well, and I was just about to knock on the door when he came out, pale and shaken.

I asked if he was OK, only to be told off for scaring him. At first, I couldn’t understand what he was saying – then it hit me.

I had suffered a seizure in my sleep.

And, rather than call an ambulance, get help from one of his housemates or even bother to check if I was still breathing once it was over, Ollie had locked himself in the bathroom.

I get that a seizure can look scary if you haven’t witnessed one before, and that it can be a rude awakening in the middle of the night. But a cursory check that your date is OK isn’t too much to ask, is it? Ollie obviously thought so.

Man hiding and looking — I was just about to knock on the door when he came out, pale and shaken (Picture: Getty Images)

We hadn’t discussed my seizures at length before our date but he did know about them before he asked me out.

Now, he proceeded to gaslight me, berating me for convulsing, for vocalising and calling out (pretty common in tonic-clonic seizures) and for scaring him so much that he felt he had no other option than to hide in the bathroom until it was all over.

I felt so mortified at the time that it didn’t occur to me that I should be angry about what had just happened. In fact, like a fool, I apologised to him for scaring him.

We went back to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t leave either – I had no car, no money for a taxi and the last train had already gone.

The next morning, Ollie acted as if nothing had happened, and I continued to blame myself.

Unsurprisingly, things fizzled out shortly after two more unremarkable dates, although we remained civil at work.

I didn’t realise at the time, but the episode with Ollie really impacted the relationships that I would have over the following months and years.

Low section of young woman sleeping in bed, with bare feet under the blanket in bedroom. Sunlight shining through window with the silhouette of palm tree on a beautiful sunny morning — It’s probably one of my biggest regrets that I allowed someone to use my disability against me (Picture: Getty Images)

When men asked me out, I would self-sabotage so the dates wouldn’t progress any further. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with anyone while my epilepsy was uncontrolled.

I didn’t sleep with anyone for 18 months following the incident with Ollie. It took a long time for me to learn to trust a man again.

Fast forward a few years, and I am happily married to only the second man in my life who has seen me have a seizure. On the rare occasions I have them, my husband always makes sure I am safe and stays with me until I regain consciousness.

He has never once guilt-tripped me or made me feel like I was the problem.

What to do if someone has a seizure

If you suspect someone may be having a tonic-clonic or a tonic seizure, Epilepsy Action recommends following ‘CARE’:

C – Comfort. Cushion their head with something soft to protect them from injury and keep them comfortable
A – Action. Time the seizure, and clear anything that could be harmful out of the way. Check if the person has a medical ID or bracelet with more information.
R – Reassure. When the seizure has stopped, place them in the recovery position, offer reassurance and stay with them as they come round.
E – Emergency. Call 999 if the seizure continues for over five minutes, the person is badly injured, another seizure starts immediately, the person has trouble breathing after the seizure or has never had one before.

I never got an apology from Ollie – but then there isn’t really an acceptable apology for abandoning someone at their most vulnerable moment. And I never gave him the bollocking he deserved for leaving me unconscious in his bed.

It’s probably one of my biggest regrets that I allowed someone to use my disability against me in that way and never called him out on it.

But then I remember: I was not, and never have been, the problem. That’s all on him.

If your date ever has a seizure in your bed, stay calm, cushion their head and once it’s over, gently roll them onto their side into the recovery position. Stay with them until they recover.

And for the avoidance of doubt, on no account lock yourself in the nearest bathroom, hallway or cupboard.

*Name has been changed